Magical Thoughts Four (a semi - awakening)

Days had passed, clinging with the months as they went past the year like two star-crossed lovers. She would have thought she had known him all her life, but as she looked at his eyes; the one she had come to admire a lot, her mind told her he was still a stranger and she needed time. Her heart and her mind went into unscrupulous disagreements; the heart asking the mind vigorously whether she had all the time in the world or whether he would wait so long. She sat in the midst of her friends envisaging a life worth living. Perhaps, a life worth living with someone whom her mind doubted and her heart had little issues with. "You're just so indecisive" her mind told her heart "all this would not have happened if you did not over trust!". Her heart raced as if trying to run to where her mind was and slap it "oh really!" It said "you coward! You're not near a risk taker. You cower at the sight of risk and avoid anything that might be of good use to us both!" She recalled the three words he said to her " I love you". Those words sounded ordinary, very ordinary. It was devoid of feelings, even though he expressed it the best way he could. It was devoid of the reactions she would have had if she had heard those words from the one whom her heart he broke. She became scared, maybe her heart was hardening, she could not figure out why she did not smile when he said it, why she did not feel relieved or special. She felt nothingness in those words, a complete sense of obscenity crawling inside of her. She hated her mind, she hated her heart, she tried to see if being comfortable with him meant she loved him. But yes she did, she loved him, but No she was not in love with him. That was the answer she got from a voice different from that of her heart and her mind. She paused. She was not in love with him...