something worth penning down...

That tuesday afternoon was not busy; it was not as if it was ever busy. The roads from amadi gardens to Garrison and Rumuola, infact most of the roads in portharcourt seemed small, all choked up. The old GRA, the one car bridge would have been bigger if it was well planned,it was just unlike Lagos, less bigger than Lagos, less stressful than Lagos. It was also, quite dry unlike Lagos where you get to see drama Kings and Queens displaying all sorts of un dignified talents on the roads. As a cab stopped by, I plunged my head inside the window calling out Amadi . He waved his hand in approval and I entered imagining I had entered a kidnapper's cab even though it was painted in the state's white and blue colour. "One in front two at the back! Don't enter!" Sis said continuously,now those words rang in my ears everytime I took a cab. I hoped I would find something interesting enough for me to write down, something different from the dryness attached to Portharcourt . I got down from the cab and entered another cab going to Garrison; the front seat designed for only one person occupied two persons, me included. At that moment, I regretted sitting in front. I turned back to see a beautiful lady, light skinned very little makeup, her eyes enchanted me but I did not look too long so that I could avoid her giving me an inquisitive look. I tried to interest myself with my phone looking and looking at the few sign boards that were on the streets while a man was making a phone call; his voice progressed from low to high after which at his highest pitch, he says "Why she no dey even dey pik call sef! No be say she even fine sef! Na one wo wo tin like that o!... You think say I dey chase you ni!". His voice rang like an alarm in my ears, but everyone in the cab cared less, we all chuckled. He was in the spotlight now, the celebrity of the day, he had done that which violated the boring normalcy of portharcourt. He had cleared the stench boredom air and the saucy memory of him even after he shouted at the driver for not dropping him and turning back to get fuel stuck in my mind.

in seven years we fell

As a kid, we would be caned for breaking plates, we were expected to be careful with plates and hold them carefully, and when it gets broken, ears were deafened to 'it was a mistake' there was simply no mistake in you breaking plates. It was the rule they had laid down, the system that has been brought to open, that which you must obey, if broken, you get spanked till you cried and sulked. Most times, we would hide the broken plates from older siblings and parents, our eyes blinking incessantly, hearts beating at a fast rate, hands shaking; bribing younger ones not to tell, most times secrets are revealed and judgements are passed. As an adult, I realised I could break plates without fear not even a shaking finger, this time rules were different. It would be considered as a "mistake" because you have "grown" to be "careful". Everyone would simply look on like nothing happened. Everyday as we face life's issues, we would find those who are rare through their reactions to such issues. And so today my story begins with a deep respect for human feelings and need... To those who make promises and keep them, to those whose hearts are still soft and red beating in beautiful thumps, to those who would never give up on something they once believed in and to those who would never let the most valuable thing go because they have lost that which is less valuable... In seven years we fall.. As she stood in the darkness, she reminisced the past; the memories were fresh like a ripe fruit, it flashed in front of her eyes like the sun did when one came out of the dark. She paced up and down the room with thoughts en circling her; thoughts of what would have been, she imagined for what seemed like eternity what life would have been if she had married ike. He seemed rare, spotless and unimaginably not one of the so-called "men" who would do unbelievably ruthless and most times stupid things in a relationship. That was why they had dated for seven years in a hope that they would eventually get married someday or, perhaps she had that impression that she would marry him, but the last encounter with him did not seem so 'realistic'. She would not dare to think that Ike would call her one particular night and call out her name. It sounded flat, It felt awkward saying her real name. There were no sweet words like honey sweetheart, "Tomisin" just sounded strange, ordinary and unpleasantly annoying. It was unlike someone you have gotten used to to call you that... It was just one of the rules of a serious relationship. She knew why he was calling, but there was nothing to be said at that moment or at any time for that matter, her tongue was twisted; twisted out of words until her silence made him drop the phone. It was unfathomable, there was nothing to question either, it was rather puzzling why Ike would keep a secret for such a long time. Her world collapsed like a pack of cards when she figured out he had gotten married two days ago. She went from being numb, to shivering, to having a heart palpitation. It was all too heavy on her, she could not bring herself to dialling his number and questioning him. It was of no use now, he was MARRIED , there was no way out. Her silent sobs did not matter to him, all he did was find excuses and problems which he blamed her on. He said he was sorry even though he did not mean those words, she still found it hard to talk. She felt her heart break in all manners as she held on to her chest hoping it would not fall out of her body... She had thought she would die that day, she had also given up on love if it existed it was unimaginable... In seven years she had seen worse than she bargained, she was fighting a lost war, she was working to build up something that was not hers... Everything now was just a blur in her world now, she had other things to do, her children to attend to, her husband to love now because he saved her from the darkness she found in love just as he called out "ife" from the dark room she found herself in... How the heart creates space for someone else is somewhat miraculous.

magical thoughts two

In finding the things we want, we go the extra mile; jumping through un imaginable hoops, fighting fears and walking through heavy storms. But when we finally get that which we want, we suddenly lose interest and turn it away until we lose it... Sometimes if we realise that its worth it, we go through even much greater risk, other times we just let it go and suffer the consequences... 

As he glanced at her he could tell she had seen a lot, gone through a lot, suffered a lot. The pain was glaring right in her eyes even when she laughed heartily. He knew this because he had been there and even gone through worse, he wished to end her deep pain, he wished also that he could be relieved from the confusion she had brought upon him. So because she stared at the moon he stared too 'its beautiful...you're beautiful' he said with wide eyes; eyes that told a love tale. She could see it but she did not fall for it. She felt uneasy, hate boiling up inside, that was the last thing she needed, 'why are men so selfish' she thought. She concluded she would not involve herself with any man until she forgot completely. She was not ready and one of the things he loved while sitting there on that night, the breeze gently caressing their faces, the night lit with the stars was the fact that they were together silently watching the moon enclose its body in the warm caresses of the tree... 

the magical thoughts

In silence and in hope I saw the sparks, the sparks in the eyes of this little child shining like a clear crystal under the grip of the sun. It was the moon that did it, the moon caught in the arms of a tree. She looked hoping to find something more surprising but what more beauty is it can she ever think of asides such. For a while, she thought the tree was selfish; making the moon stay in its warm caress but it brought such unfathomable happiness to her. This past few days had not been pretty good for her, perhaps an unexpected heartbreak made her sink into deep thoughts; deeper than Hades and Gehena itself, she had hoped for it but not expected it. It was all too coincidental, all too unimaginable all too soon. Perhaps she had trusted more than she bargained, perhaps she was not willing to look forward to see deeper and better things, perhaps her life had been so used to having him around and curling up in his arms like a shivering child. But no more, it was gone like a light and like the absence of light, she was left in total darkness, total abandon and though she was not alone she was lonely. As she watched the moon leave the caressing grip of the tree, she thought to herself if she wanted more if she wanted to love again, but like a faulty car that would not start, she just could not bring herself into that form anymore. Perhaps she hoped the future would decide what would become of her and the thought of dating again or getting married nauseated her. Her world of falling in love was closing in, her wisdom now more than before grew and even greater was her experience.
‘ peace to peace to peace to unending peace to unending inner peace to…what exactly am I saying? what am I who am I why do I know so much why do I allow these to bother me? To peace to inner peace to unending victorious peace. We can never be best of friends again it is just impossible’ thoughts circled round her head like the many men that came around circling her with promises she never believed. Her heart raised unexpectedly again and she paused looking at the boy beside her. He, just like her was overwhelmed with this magical tree... Glancing once in a while at her and being quiet to savour the spirit that came with that night.

Being  here with my thoughts, I realised I had missed a lot of small things simple things, things that made up the real definition of life. I will be writing an unending story hopefully you all enjoy it. Happy new year